in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
