Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
