bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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