so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
