: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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