I don't usually arrange sex via text message
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
