Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
