I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
tell me about the eggs
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
