wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
