You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
