This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
