So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
