Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
