i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Are we still banned from the library?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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