clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
