My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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