Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
