Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
