Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
