My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
