Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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