I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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