If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
