last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
