he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
