I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
