none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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