Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
