Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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