if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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