Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
