you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
