Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
