DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
