i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
