The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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