the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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