I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
