Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
