This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
