I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
