I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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