Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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