Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
