My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
false alarm. still invincible.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
