jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Edward fifth and chaser hands
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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