I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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