I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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