1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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