They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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