roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
