i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
