this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
