one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
